Mastering Discipline

Throughout my entire life, discipline has always seemed like such a chore. I could never focus on one thing long enough to become a master at it. I haven't mastered any skill that I love to do.

I was never into sports as a child and exercise was never my thing. But I have always loved music. And in later years now since I've finished school, I love to read and learn new things. But as a result of never having the discipline to master any new skills while growing up, I am unable to focus my attention now. This is something that I had come to accept about myself but had vowed to make a change at some point. But true to form, my lack in discipline assured that I would struggle with this. A never ending loop of failure to master.

I have recently begun singing mantras. When I say recently, I mean today. Today is the first day of my discipline process. After having such an amazing weekend of healing ceremonies, I have learned a few things about myself. One such lesson was the lack of discipline that I put upon myself in order to better myself.

It is said that the constant repetition of a mantra can heighten our senses and awareness. I’m pretty sure it does indeed do exactly that, with practice, but for now my focus is for the purposes of discipline. Once the discipline is maintained, the practice will emerge. I am eternally grateful for the lessons I have received through working with plant medicines.

Through this work with plant-based healing medicines, I have caught a glimpse of what it is to be my full true self. With practice and discipline, I believe these mantras will help me in my process of expanding my being beyond what I know to be me and who I am.

The amazing realization that you are more than you think you are is quite profound. We think we are, as humans; the body, the mind, and in some cases, the soul/spirit. In most cases we believe we are a culmination of our family, friends, job, where we live, where we go, what hobbies we enjoy and what our spiritual beliefs are. A short story on these topics would amount to the average person’s belief in who they are. But the truth of it is we are so much more than all of it put together.

This past few days has helped me with my own view on this topic. I used to believe I was a father, a brother, a son, an uncle, a grandson, a musician, a singer, a writer, a good person trying to make a difference however small it was etc etc and the list goes on. But the truth is I am much more than any and all of those things.

As I have mentioned, I have been fortunate enough to catch a glimpse of who I am. The I that I am is so vast and expansive that no words can describe.

If you could imagine what it would be like to squeeze an elephant through the eye of a needle, then you would have some idea of how difficult it is for a spirit to enter the human form. The sheer vastness of our being-ness pre-earth, cannot be condensed into our 3D physical form. No matter how pure a human being is, they are still physical, and so therefore cannot contain their fullest potential. That said, our fullest potential in our human form is indeed impressive. We have yet to even come close to it. The achievements in the past of our fellow earthlings were all based in ego. This in itself is the biggest and heaviest limit we posses. The monks and sages of the world would be the purest of us and yet, I believe we have so much more to learn and to let go of.

With each layer of trauma that I work through and with each layer of pain that I come to terms with, that glimpse of my fullest potential expands a little more. With each expansion, I can get a sense and feel, to some small extent, of the next level of expansion before I experience it. So, I know there’s always more to remember, more to learn. I am more than I have ever imagined before, and more than I can even imagine now. The I that I am, in this human form, is only the finger tip of my true essence. I am everything and more than I could ever imagine myself to be.

With a daily practice I can expand my awareness, lighten my trauma and pain body, and thus expand the emptiness inside so more of my essence and light can enter, remembering more and more, who I truly am. This disciplined process can help me with procrastination and limiting my ego with regards to music, singing, writing and everything that I want to learn at this moment. Our ego tells us we are no good. So, if I start the day by reminding myself of how much I can remember with regards to who I am, well that will shut that little noise up with discipline and practise.

I am not perfect. I am finding my way.

Day by day, unravelling and unfolding, healing and expanding.

Namaste...

Published
December 6, 2022
Author
Andrew Mee
Category
Thoughts
Thoughts & poetry

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Latest Thoughts
Ego Death

The ego is a very powerful tool within our society. The whole model is used and pushed very well and has been for 1000s of years. Since history was recorded, the biggest egos of the planet have ruled it for their own personal gain and still now today that is exactly what is happening. The ego wants the big flash car and the two holiday's and the big house. The heart only wants to be happy.

I dont know about you but I would be happy enough once I had my family around me. Thats the important parts that most of us forget until we are old and our family has grown up and moved on to start their own family. Its amazing how we creatures of desire allow ourselves to be operated by a system built on greed.

Over the past number of weeks and months indeed, Ive been slowly coming to a realisation. Our own desire and greed indeed for our lifestyles is fueled completely by ego. We are all romantic on some level, and always hear close ones saying "follow your heart", but we never do! We follow our ego, all the way!! The heart is involved in feeling love, but the ego is involved in feeling hate or resentment. Once the heart falls in love, it never falls out of it!!

So with this realisation I decided I wanted to do some ego work. Without actually thinking too much about it I just started working on some painful memories and the ego work just seemed to evolve as a knock on effect. It came on very strong and truly was by far the most amazingly beautiful, powerful work I have ever done and also terrifying, although it doesn't have to be that way. I had no idea that the memories I was trying to come to terms with were the very experiences that my relationship ego was built upon. So therefore I was not prepared for what was coming as a result of breaking through.

I actually felt like I was dieing. I had to push my whole being to force myself to let go of the pain, so much so that my ego couldn't hold on to it any longer. So as a last attempt to save itself my ego knocked me out. Haha what a bloody experience!! I will keep the full details of this ego death for my book of course 😊.

The ego is an amazingly powerful thing. The fear I felt during that experience was terrifying. I wasn't dieing of course, I was letting go of what had been making my decisions for me for the past number of years. That level of control wasn't going to be given up without a fight. So now I know there is an easier way. There is still a lot of very hard work involved, but no dramatics at the end and nobody dies, mentally, emotionally or actually hahaha, we just let go!

This picture inset was taken four days after my relationship ego death. I was receiving a beautiful flower bath from a friend. The smell of the flowers was amazing and just captivated me entirely. Haha I wasn't even aware that another friend was there taking a picture of it hahaha. I am glad he did though. He cought a moment of complete and total freedom in me that I wouldn't have otherwise seen from the outside. I sure was feeling it though hahaha and thanks to this friend I will be able to tap into that memory whenever I want to. So thankyou G-Man for that shot 😊.

Embrace your fears

Let go of what doesn't serve you

And Be Free

Latest Poetry
The Flag Man
The FlagMan Is one
Who says little at all,
Until the time comes
To record a fall.
The days are long
But time is short lived,
For his moment of reign
Is just over the bridge.
He stands and absorbs
All the information,
Until the Powers That Be
Send their notification.
Some will weave
And some may wonder,
But none will leave
without a ponder...
So The time has come
To unravel the web,
And piece by small piece
It all falls to shreds.
The Powers That Be
Will ask for a stand,
So the flagMan reigns
And raises his hand.